Dan was a single guy living at home with his widowed father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

“I may just look an ordinary man” he said to her, “but soon my father will die and I will inherit $200 million”

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at Financial Planning than men.

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Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neigbourhood without moving.

All Obama could do was have a big laugh and say “How silly can you get Hilly?”

The man says, “Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.” The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he’s doing all this drinking.

“You’d drink them this fast too if you had what I have.”

The bartender hastily asks, “What do you have pal?”

The man quickly replies, “I have a dollar.”

*** *** ***

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.

Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?”

“My mother died in August,” he said, “and left me $25,000.”

“Gee, that’s tough,” he replied.

“Then in September,” the friend continued, “My father died, leaving me $90,000.”

“Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.”

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“And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000.”

“Three close family members lost in three months? How sad.”

“Then this month,” continued, the friend, “absolutely nothing!”

Writers and writing coaches like to rail against flabby writing. But what if this verbal clutter wasn’t just getting in the way of us writing with clarity and style – what if it was also draining the vital resources of the planet?

Those innumerable blogs, sms blitz on a million mobiles, reams of emails are probably lying in the hinterland of the universe somewhere, words that we need no more.

Even when we hit the trash icon on our computer screens and feel happy to clear the trash from our computers and servers, does it go away completely? Or does it just get released in the digital world to rot and fester away for years?

The eco experts have already expressed alarm over the piling junk in space with nearly half a century of our space exploration programmes.

There is junk from spent rocket stages, hatches blown off space shuttles, paint fragments chipped of shuttles travelling at incredible speeds and old, rusted satellites, floating around us hundreds of light years away.

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Space scientists have estimated that these orbit at a speed of roughly 17, 500 miles/hour and can cause havoc if they were to hit travelling space shuttles.

But even if they didn’t, to even imagine so much junk moving at a mind boggling speed in the wastelands of our universe is a chilling idea. That is concrete waste and one can probably deal with it. But what do you do with abstract waste like that of discarded words?

Surely the champions of reuse and recycle must have put their thinking caps on to decide how they could put to use those millions of words floating around in the back-alleys of our universe.

Maybe we could cut out the you from a thank-you and use it in another letter that requires the pronoun, or we could combine a “good” from yet another discarded “good night” and use it as a stand alone adjective in another place….

The possibilities are limitless. If only this could be made electronically possible, we could just capture those words and trap them in a giant lexicon.

But how do we recall that junk from space to be able to recycle? Maybe be some computer geek might invent a “recycle trash” icon that will help us hit the rewind button on our past work.

It would help to use more feel-good words, more pleasantries, softer, melodious incantations that might at least make the pile of garbage more bearable if not endearing.

After all, the same wise men who told us that words were like arrows released from a bow have also told us that words give off positive and negative vibrations that linger long after you have said or written something.

If you want the positive vibrations to linger around you like a ripple in the water, release only the positive ones from your quiver.

It helps negotiate: Flattery is infantry on the march for negotiation. Actually it is the best, and oldest, trick in the book to bag the best deals while shopping.

It breaks the ice: Sometimes, a little flattery goes a long way in getting to know new people. Surprising how much nicer people can get when their ego is pampered.

It lifts spirits: When a friend has a bad hair day or is feeling down, a bit of flattery does the trick. Instantly,it makes him/her feel better.

The queue moves: In a supermarket on a Friday evening, a little flattery can help you jump the queue and stave off varicose veins.

Makes light of excess baggage: A minor compliment accompanied with a smile could help you save some precious dollars at the airport!

Gets help when the tyre goes flat: A damsel in distress plus a little flattery. Result? A good samaritan to help and the happy prospect of keeping freshly manicured nails in tip top condition.

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Reduces muscle strain at the baggage claim: You can get help for lifting off your heavy suitcases with the aid of flattery, especially if you’re not travelling light.

Peace and happiness with in-laws: Pay your mother-in-law that all-important compliment on her culinary skills and watch those brownie points jump right off the scale.

Lunch break remains yummy: When you visit any public office for a minor task during your lunch break, a smile and some sweetness can help you get back to work on time.

Spouse wows! Flattery at full throttle with your spouse is pure investment. Just guard from going OTT (over the top).
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