Wed 13 Jun 2007
Money & Marriage: Joint Accounts or Separate Accounts?
Posted by Robin Bal under LifeStyle , MoneyMatters , Personal Finance , Planning[9] Comments
A huge debate arises when it comes to marriage and money about whether or not spouses should have a joint checking account or separate checking accounts. One popular thing that people do nowadays is they keep one joint account to pay the bills from and then they keep a separate account for each of them to spend money on “personal” things. This is a total cop-out when it comes to managing money with your spouse. A marriage is not a joint venture. You cannot pick and choose which things that you want to share as a couple and which things not to share. You must be handling money as a team.
My opinion is that there is only one way to handle your bank accounts. You keep one joint checking account and one joint savings account. You write a budget together, stick to that budget together, and talk to each about making purchases over $50 dollars, unless you are going to make 10 different $50 purchases in one day, then you talk it over with your spouse!
Common Arguments: “My spouse is worse at handling money than I am”. This is why you got married, to help each other, not avoid each others weaknesses. It is okay for one of you to be more financially savvy, but you both need to create a budget together, and not sharing your incomes will only bring more division. If your spouse had a problem with drinking, would you totally abandon them or try to help them? In the same way, why would you totally abandon your spouse if they had a problem with handling money?
“It is easier to keep track of the money”. No it’s not harder, it should be simpler because you are dealing with less bank accounts. What account do you use when you go out to dinner? I can hear it now “No, you pay this time; I have to pay for the dentist tomorrow”. If you are communicating about your purchases, and balancing your check book together each week, it should be easier to keep one joint account.
“I make more money than her, and I don’t want her spending all of it”. You make more money than her? Well, does she cook for you? Does she wash your dirty underwear? Yeah, exactly. You cannot put tabs on your salaries, or else resentment, jealousy, and division will destroy your marriage.
Handling money is extremely important in a marriage. And just like everything else important in a marriage, communication is key to keeping your money handling healthy. If one of you wants to spend all the time and the other wants to save all the time, come to an agreement. Set aside some “Blow” money to use for having fun and blowing it without any worries about what it gets spent on. Set aside money that will be saved for long term and short term. Also, remember to set aside money to pay off debts. Never settle for just paying the minimum payments on credit cards or paying off a car or house in 20 years.
June 14th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
Hey Robin;
When my ex and I first got married we each had our own personal accounts, but then after we were married we opened a joint checking account as well. Basically what we did was take a certain percentage of our paycheques and that went into the joint and then we had a percentage that went into our personal accounts. It worked for us.
I’ve heard alot of women say that joint accounts were not an option in their relationships because they feared that if anything went wrong in the relationship, they were afraid their partner would clear out the joint account on them and split. (there’s an issue in and of itself, lol) – though I think something like that might partially be solved by requiring both signatures on all cheques.
Who goes into a relationship with those kinds of doubts anyway?!!
June 15th, 2007 at 1:42 pm
Hi Anna,
You are right we don’t go into relationships with those kind of doubts, but these things do happen.
You brought up a good point though that joint accounts should be operated where both parties are required to sign to make a withdrawal, you never know one party may wipe off the account.
Good comment mate. Take care and cheers.
August 12th, 2008 at 8:33 am
I think you’re right, it is only YOUR opinions. Thanks for sharing but people should know it’s YOUR OPINION. Are you a marriage counselor. Are your certified in some manner to give marriage advice, as well as financial advice?
Thanks for sharing YOUR OPINIONS.
October 15th, 2008 at 3:43 am
If we are a unit and we share the accounts does that mean that we share each other debits. ie I went to medical school and I have a lot of school loans. I believe that if you have the philosophy to share all the accounts then you should also share all the debit. Put your name on my school loans since we are sharing…… I always hear a pause when this issue comes up. I think you should have a joint checking and savings and independent checking where a portion of spending money is deposited.
November 3rd, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Do you think that even if one partner is working , they should have a joint account? The working partner may feel that the money belongs to him only and will give the non-working spouse an allowance , sometimes enough or otherwise . What right does the non-working spouse has ? How can she ask him to give her more ? Life sucks!!!
December 30th, 2009 at 1:34 am
I think this is terrible advice. There is no right or wrong regarding joint or individual accounts. Neither is better than another. It depends on each situation and the beliefs and desires of both people involved. I also think, if EITHER person prefers to keep separate accounts, that is when the discussion should be over without a fight and the two should just go that route. It doesnt mean your relationship is less loving or anything like that. AND you can still assist someone who is bad at finances with their own bills without having to combine. This way no one can tap into each other’s income without both agreeing… you have a joint account for joint purposes and your individual accounts feed those accounts. If you do not combine it is way easier to see where things go and have both sides be able to see where their money goes and how fair it is. Each person is still an individual and there is always the alternative to being married… so why make marriage a punishment that could encourage a split? Separate finances encourage separate understanding and, I believe, can be used to make the flow of money towards common goals and interests far more transparent to both people.
To insinuate that keeping individual accounts equates to being unfair or inappropriate is wrong. I think people should not be financially punished by being married compared to being single (though the government disagrees). I think it makes sense to keep separate accounts (especially if you have separate accounts and careers at the start) and each plan out your contribution to bills each month. Then, whatever is left, just as if you were single, you can do what you like with individually. Nothing stops a person from racking up debt individually that counts against the whole, so what is wrong with keeping control of left over income individually? Then there is no ownership or control factor in how people choose to endulge in their hobbies and interests.
Unfortunately, these days too many people (often women) look at marriage like an entitlement to share and thereby receive things from the higher earner. If the higher earner made wiser decisions in life to become that higher earner and you didnt or couldn’t, why should they be punished by having to give you more of their income just because you are married and love each other? It makes no sense in cases where two people have their careers. They each already benefit by sharing bills to any extent.
The other fault in the argument is the whole “if she cooks and cleans and all that isnt that worth something?” notion. I can buy that it has a value and a worth that should be reimbursed, however, what if you make more AND the person you are with is one of those who still does not contribute to the work around the household? Then you should pay more AND do more? That is just plain not fair and will lead to problems. When two people have incomes of reasonable amounts, especially amounts they could live on on their own, I think keeping separate accounts and just dividing common bills makes absolutely the most sense and is the most fair way to not create problems.
April 28th, 2010 at 2:37 pm
I think Jeff W and I may have alot in common. I have a spouce who spends without control and no attention to a budget. We’ve had a single joint account for the entire 15 years of our marriage.
My spouce used to be at home for a few years taking care of the kids. At that time, she had an attitude of entitlement to half and felt she could spend without us having to agree.
Now we are both working full-time and share equally in the household and children responsibilities (really!), but things are even worse than before. I make 70% of the income, but she still has this entitlement attitude, considering it one pot and that it’s OK to spend all she makes plus much of what I make. Her credit card bills alone exceed her income. Lots of purchases I disagree with. Our financial fights are going to lead us to divorce if we can’t work things out.
Because we fight over finances all the time and can’t agree, I think our only solution (besides the fact that we need professional help) is to create separate personal accounts with a joint account for common/shared bills.
I’d like to think the separate account idea might work as a way to force smarter spending at least in the personal accounts, but am not hopeful. The main reason is that many of our arguments are over wasteful spending on items that could be considered joint, such as Organic everything, expensive household items, overspending on clothes, toys and other items for the children, etc. She resents me and feels guilty to the kids for having to go back to work and tries to make up for it by spoiling and spending excessively on the kids.
So, although I see the separate account helping somewhat, it is not going to solve the root of the problem. Desperately searching for help to save a marriage.
May 13th, 2010 at 9:05 am
Gee, these comments got ugly fast.
May 18th, 2010 at 8:03 pm
Jeff ~
I wonder if you and your wife sleep in separate bedrooms !
I think It’s really sad that you feel you’re being “punished” by sharing your good fortune with your wife. Isn’t she the most important person in the world to you ? I know now why the divorce rate is so high. How about you try this….You give your wife what she needs and do things for her that you wouldn’t normally do and see how that works for you. The first step in making wise decisions is to see each other as best friends to be helped, not as enemies to be punished. Good luck to you Jeff, if I were you I would hold off on having kids.
David ~
I think your wife has a shopping problem and maybe you need to get her help for that. I respect you for trying to save your marriage though.