Humor


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Dan was a single guy living at home with his widowed father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

“I may just look an ordinary man” he said to her, “but soon my father will die and I will inherit $200 million”

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at Financial Planning than men.

Hire-a-dog
I‘m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.” – E. E. Cummings.

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of.” – Jane Austen

If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.”Errol Flynn

If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” JP Getty.

Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” Taylor Meade.

It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.” WC Fields.

You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.” J Billings.

October is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain

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A man walked into a bank in New York City one day and asked for the loan officer.

He told the loan officer that he was going to Philippines on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan.

Then the man handed over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything checked out The loan officer agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan.The bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the guy for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parked it there.Two weeks later, the guy returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest, which came to $15.41.

The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy to have had and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow “$5,000”.

The millionaire replied: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return”

Well thats how the rich stay rich, they know a lot more about Money Management. All the millionaires I have met in my life were penny wise. Look after your cents and the Dollars will look after themselves.

“October is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain

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“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.” J Billings.

“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” – Jackie Mason

“The financial markets generally are unpredictable. So that one has to have different scenarios.. The idea that you can actually predict what’s going to happen contradicts my way of looking at the market.” – GeorgeSoros.

“When buying shares, ask yourself, would you buy the whole company?” – Rene Rivki.

“I made my money the old fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died.” – Malcolm Forbes

“I‘m so naive about finances. Once when my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain: ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood”. – Brooke Shields

“There’s no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You can’t do any business from there”. – Colonel Sanders

A man explained inflation to his wife thus: “When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you’re 42-42-42. There’s more of you, but you are not worth as much.” – Lord Barnett.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. – Robert Orben.

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. – Oscar Wilde

Weekend Humor


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