A man explained inflation to his wife thus: “When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you’re 42-42-42. There’s more of you, but you are not worth as much.” – Lord Barnett.

sainthood.gifA man can never have enough of socks, women and cigarette lighters. Did I forget money?”

Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.” – J. Paul Getty

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” – Woody Allen

When you’ve got them by their wallets, their hearts and minds will follow.” Fern Naito.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.

Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.

It’s better to give than to lend and it costs about the same.” Philip Gibbs.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
– Dorothy Parker

Financial Joke: The Stock Report

Helium was up. Feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued a slow decline. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. Balloon prices were inflated. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.